


this prison without walls

by Mia_Zeklos



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Demonic Possession, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e07 Salt in the Wound, as in it's not necessarily intentional but it does happen consciously if that makes sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/pseuds/Mia_Zeklos
Summary: “Alec.”It’s him.It’s easy to tell, not just by the insults that the Owl keeps hurling at anyone who tries to speak in the room around him but by the dazed look in Jace’s eyes; the persistent fog that he can’t quite shake off yet. “What’s going on?”





	this prison without walls

**Author's Note:**

> Hello naughty Jalec shippers, it's suffering time.  
> On a slightly more serious note, this is pretty short but it just felt right that way (since I wrote it all at once and used all of my many painful thoughts about the newest episode for it). I have a soundtrack for it once again and it's [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKTwvqR6BiI), in case you want something that sets the mood.  
> Feedback is always welcome!

The magic is too strong to drain all at once. It’s an easy enough concept to understand, but it still _hurts_ ; seeing Jace come back to himself for minutes at a time only for his voice to be drowned out by the Owl yet again afterwards. Everyone had got tired of the helplessness of watching it happen eventually until Alec had been the only one left, but it’s fine. It’s for the best.

He wouldn’t want anyone else to go through this and he wouldn’t want anyone to bother them either.

The flat is quiet when Magnus’s spell wins over the possession. Jace is exhausted and he collapses almost immediately every time and Alec aches to be closer to him, but he can’t – not when the Owl is still there somewhere, waiting for the smallest sign of a weakness. So instead, they just stay like this: Jace between the four crackling walls of his cage and Alec on the floor next to him, a handful of inches and an entire universe away.

It’s the best he can do, but it’s so _difficult_. He’s barely talked to Jace in his half-asleep state and he can’t bring himself to keep him awake lest he remembers everything that had happened – Imogen, _Angel_ , would he remember? Would someone have to tell him? The thought alone is terrifying and as much as Alec tries to keep it at bay, his distress is enough for Jace to stir awake again.

“Alec.” _It’s him_. It’s easy to tell, not just by the insults that the Owl keeps hurling at anyone who tries to speak in the room around him but by the dazed look in Jace’s eyes; the persistent fog that he can’t quite shake off yet. “What’s going on?”

“Just stay still.” It feels like there’s something sticking to his throat and it’s chocking him; stopping the words from coming out despite the realisation that at some point, it wouldn’t be enough to just hope for him to go back to sleep. Alec almost prefers having the Owl to talk to, suddenly. He’s easier to bear and his cruelty would be a welcome change to the sight of him like this.  “Everything’s going to be all right.”

Jace tries to reach out to him through their bond and when that gives him nothing but the echo that’s been present recently, he attempts a more physical approach and yelps when the blades holding the Malachi Configuration together shiver at the touch and shock him in retaliation. “ _Parabatai_ ,” he whispers, but doesn’t come closer again – not until Alec sits up to face him. “What—”

“You need to rest.” It’s dismissive, nearly cruel, but it’s the best he can manage. “It’ll all make sense eventually, but you need to sleep it off first, Jace.” And this hurts just as much, trying to use the fact that he’s still not fully himself and that it’ll be enough to make Jace trust him even more easily than usual. It works, though, and the guilt is relatively easy to ignore. Alec’s been doing it all night, after all, and it’s not that difficult when he keeps repeating to himself that it’s for the best. He returns to his original position and lies down next to the side of the cage in the hopes that his parabatai will follow his example.

He does just that and then, to Alec’s horror, reaches through the shining veil between them and catches him by the hand. The angelic magic sizzles and burns up and down his arm, but Jace sighs and relaxes into Alec’s touch like it’s nothing; like he’s not still a prisoner who can’t make a step outside of the small world he’s confined to. Like he isn’t subjecting himself to the worst possible torture already.

“Only if you do.”

Alec’s throat tightens even further and his eyes burn. “I will.”

He should tell him to back off, but it seems to help despite the pain and Alec’s just not ready to take that away; not yet. Instead, he holds his hand and listens as Jace’s breathing evens out once more. Perhaps that’s just how it is for the two of them, he thinks – some hurts are easier to handle when they bring comfort as well.


End file.
